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the Joker’s not funny

or, why I’m disappointed with Jared Leto

So the thing about Joker that makes him a hard character to write and portray is not that he’s edgy or violent or somehow more insane than other villains - those are traits that are actually pretty common for villains? Like, willingness to engage in violence is pretty standard, wearing weird clothes for effect is done for most villains, and ‘insanity’ in comic book movies comes in so many flavors and shade that it kind of has no meaning.

what makes joker hard is he has to be fucking funny

and comedy is hard

I’m not trying to simplify this and be insulting - comedy is HARD, because comedy requires structure, and then the interruption of structure. comedy literally requires more time and more buy-in from the audience than making someone evil or scary, it’s literally MORE DIFFICULT to get on film and get it right than drama or scariness or any of the other traits that the Joker should have

Here, have some meta.

the way jokes work is like this:

you have an assumption, and it’s proven wrong.

you have a starting set of assumptions, an idea of the world and how it works and you enter the joke with that and the set up of the joke relies on those assumptions to work - “Is your refrigerator running?” assumes that your audiences knows what a fridge is, understands what it would mean for it to be working properly, and gets that the word ‘running’ is a normal way to describe a fridge doing its job of keeping things cool. The buy in is when you answer, “yes, my fridge is running.” Because you have a fridge, and it’s literally right there, you can hear the hum, the world is as it should be

then you get a punchline -“Well maybe you should go CATCH IT!”, where the assumptions you have BREAK DOWN and they don’t WORK for the new information. Running means, literally fucking running behind a fridge that is trying to escape, and you LAUGH, because your assumptions about the world were wrong, but not in a way that is so weird or scary that you can’t recognize it or handle it. The jokes means that you make an assumption, then your assumption is wrong, but the world is still recognizable.

in film, that means you have to spend time on FIRST the setup and get the audience to buy into it, and THEN you have to give them an understandable punchline that COMMENTS on the set of assumptions you, the audience, had, and how those assumptions were off!

If the punchline doesn’t break the script of the set up, then it’s not usually funny -”Is you fridge running” “yes” “Ok, just checking” - that’s just a conversation, the script doesn’t break, the assumptions were correct and you don’t, generally, laugh

If the punchline to that joke were changed to something nonsensical or random, then it wouldn’t be FUNNY. “Is your refrigerator running?” “yes” “well then you’re a whore” IS NOT FUNNY BECAUSE THE PUNCHLINE DOESN’T CONNECT TO THE SETUP. (Well, I mean, this example I made is funny *to me* because I just spent too much time thinking about it, but NORMALLY it would not work because it’s disconnected and weird. unless you’re making a joke about how the fridge-running joke is already so done you expect the punchline, and then it’s META and the rules of comedy still work)

so COMEDY, of all things, needs MORE structure than any other kind of filmmaking, because you need to ESTABLISH ASSUMPTIONS AND THEN BREAK THEM.

ok, need a break?

Good break, moving on to Suicide Squad’s joker.

The Joker, as a character on film, has to be funny to work because the defining characteristic of the Joker is that he doesn’t have morality as the structure of his actions - he has COMEDY.

to riff off the tv series Hannibal, where the two-eyed, Will Graham-hunting, foppish people-eater main character gets told “You no longer have ethical concerns, Hannibal. You have aesthetical ones.”

THAT’S THE JOKER.

when faced with a choice, most people think acting in ways that are moral, that don’t hurt people, that seek good things for themselves but without doing bad things to other people

The Joker, as we see his philosophy in The Killing Joke, approaches the world looking for “How could this be funny?” and then doesn’t place a LIMIT on hurting people to make the joke work.

If an improv group got together and made jokes, they would have moral limits - generally speaking, no one is going to stab someone even if it would be the best punchline to the improvised set up.

But the Joker would. Because he’s seeking not the highest good, the most righteous thing, or even the thing most beneficial to himself, he’s LOOKING FOR THE BEST JOKE.

which is why we like him - his brain is NUTS because he doesn’t limit himself, but the joke is recognizable. The Joker HAS TO KNOW how to put together a good set up and then a good punchline, one that people can recognize, because that’s what comedy is.

So a viable Joker has to have more structure than most villains in films, because you can’t have a joke if you don’t buy in, and buy in takes time, and then the joke has to be funny enough that we momentarily forget that someone just got murdered for the punchline - like when Ledger’s joker stabbed that guy in the eye with a pencil and acted like it was a MAGIC TRICK, because, look! I made the pencil disappear - INTO THIS GUY’S SKULL

so, SUICIDE SQUAD. a movie which I mostly enjoyed, but, here’s what’s true - the Joker’s NOT FUNNY.

Good versions of the Joker have to make you laugh, even as you squirm, and Leto’s just *doesn’t*. He seems to be taking the most noticeable parts of Ledger’s performance, WHICH WAS HILARIOUS, and skipping the comedy.

“BUT HE WAS EDITED OUT,” I hear some of you cry.

Which is fair. Editing can kill the funny - it can ruin the set up, it can break the punchline - editing is crucial to humor, because editing is how time in films is constructed, and comedy is all about timing.

but Jared Leto is a high profile actor in a role that is super high profile and he made sure to hype up the performance a lot, so if the movie doesn’t actually contain any examples of leto’s joker being funny, I’m going to have to make an assumption here that the movie is showing us the best they’ve got. like, there was every good external reason to find ways to keep leto in the film, and he’s NOT THERE.

And while i have not watched all the promotional footage of Leto talking about the prep for the role (in which, btw, I think Leto is SUPER FUCKING CREEPY AND UNPROFESSIONAL), there is no mention of humor.

I mean, I could be wrong!

but it doesn’t seem like Leto cared about the Joker being funny. And that’s why his Joker sucks. Because if the JOKER doesn’t care about COMEDY, then he’s not the Joker - he’s a just dude with a dye job.


kitewithfishrebloggedchambergambit



nerdgerhl
I feel like there are probably too many people just scrolling past this so let’s go through everything that’s going on here.

1. With Roger’s voice actor standing off camera, Bob Hoskins acts into empty air and frantically sawing at his handcuff, continually looking up and down at different visual marks of various depths. Look at the slow pan up of his eyes in gif 4, and then the quick shift to his side. Think about how, on set, he was looking at nothing.

2. Starting in gif 2, The box must be made to stop shaking, either by concealed crew member, mechanism, or Hoskins’ own dextrousness, as he is doing all of the things mentioned in point 1.

3. In all gifs, Roger’s handcuff has to be made to move appropriately through a hidden mechanism. (If you watch the 4th gif closely you can see the split second where it is replaced by an animated facsimile of the actual handcuff, but just for barely a second.)

4. The crew voluntarily (we know this because it is now a common internal phrase at Disney for putting in extra work for small but significant reward) decided to make Roger bump the lamp and give the entire scene a constantly moving light source that had to be matched between the on set footage and Roger. This was for two reasons, A) Robert Zemeckis thought it would be funnier, and B) one of the key techniques the crew employed to make the audience instinctively accept that Toons coexisted with the live action environment was constant interaction with it. This is why, other than comedy, Roger is so dang clumsy. Instead of isolating Toons from real objects to make it easier for themselves, the production went out of its way to make Toons interact more with the live action set than even real actors necessarily would, in order to subtly, constantly remind the audience that they have real palpable presence. You can watch the whole scene here, just to see how few shots there are of Roger where he doesn’t interact with a real object.

The crew and animators did all of this with hand drawn cell animation without computerized special effects. 1988, we were still five years out from Jurassic Park, the first movie to make the leap from fully physical creature effects to seamlessly integrating realistic computer generated images with live action footage. Roger’s shadows weren’t done with CGI. Hoskin’s sightlines were not digitally altered. Wires controlling the handcuff were not removed in post.

Who fucking Framed Roger fucking Rabbit, folks. The greatest trick is when people don’t realize you’re tricking them at all.
benpaddon
Let’s also not forget that writing. “Only when it was funny” isn’t just hilarious, it’s great comedy theory. It lampshades the joke, but also serves to remind the viewer that Toons have a separate set of physical laws they adhere to, mostly revolving around comedic value. Roger cannot remove his hand from the cuffs… until it’d get a laugh from an audience.

Everything about this movie, EVERYTHING about it, is so finely crafted. I could wax lyrical about it for days.
metalshadowx
I still need to see this movie.
pinheroooo
It’s seriously one of my favorite movies.
Source:teflonly
294,578 notes

kitewithfish
kitewithfish kitewithfish

kitewithfish
the Joker’s not funny
or, why I’m disappointed with Jared Leto

So the thing about Joker that makes him a hard character to write and portray is not that he’s edgy or violent or somehow more insane than other villains - those are traits that are actually pretty common for villains? Like, willingness to engage in violence is pretty standard, wearing weird clothes for effect is done for most villains, and ‘insanity’ in comic book movies comes in so many flavors and shade that it kind of has no meaning.

what makes joker hard is he has to be fucking funny

and comedy is hard

I’m not trying to simplify this and be insulting - comedy is HARD, because comedy requires structure, and then the interruption of structure. comedy literally requires more time and more buy-in from the audience than making someone evil or scary, it’s literally MORE DIFFICULT to get on film and get it right than drama or scariness or any of the other traits that the Joker should have

Here, have some meta.

the way jokes work is like this:

you have an assumption, and it’s proven wrong.

you have a starting set of assumptions, an idea of the world and how it works and you enter the joke with that and the set up of the joke relies on those assumptions to work - “Is your refrigerator running?” assumes that your audiences knows what a fridge is, understands what it would mean for it to be working properly, and gets that the word ‘running’ is a normal way to describe a fridge doing its job of keeping things cool. The buy in is when you answer, “yes, my fridge is running.” Because you have a fridge, and it’s literally right there, you can hear the hum, the world is as it should be

then you get a punchline -“Well maybe you should go CATCH IT!”, where the assumptions you have BREAK DOWN and they don’t WORK for the new information. Running means, literally fucking running behind a fridge that is trying to escape, and you LAUGH, because your assumptions about the world were wrong, but not in a way that is so weird or scary that you can’t recognize it or handle it. The jokes means that you make an assumption, then your assumption is wrong, but the world is still recognizable.

in film, that means you have to spend time on FIRST the setup and get the audience to buy into it, and THEN you have to give them an understandable punchline that COMMENTS on the set of assumptions you, the audience, had, and how those assumptions were off!

If the punchline doesn’t break the script of the set up, then it’s not usually funny -”Is you fridge running” “yes” “Ok, just checking” - that’s just a conversation, the script doesn’t break, the assumptions were correct and you don’t, generally, laugh

If the punchline to that joke were changed to something nonsensical or random, then it wouldn’t be FUNNY. “Is your refrigerator running?” “yes” “well then you’re a whore” IS NOT FUNNY BECAUSE THE PUNCHLINE DOESN’T CONNECT TO THE SETUP. (Well, I mean, this example I made is funny *to me* because I just spent too much time thinking about it, but NORMALLY it would not work because it’s disconnected and weird. unless you’re making a joke about how the fridge-running joke is already so done you expect the punchline, and then it’s META and the rules of comedy still work)

so COMEDY, of all things, needs MORE structure than any other kind of filmmaking, because you need to ESTABLISH ASSUMPTIONS AND THEN BREAK THEM.

ok, need a break?

Good break, moving on to Suicide Squad’s joker.

The Joker, as a character on film, has to be funny to work because the defining characteristic of the Joker is that he doesn’t have morality as the structure of his actions - he has COMEDY.

to riff off the tv series Hannibal, where the two-eyed, Will Graham-hunting, foppish people-eater main character gets told “You no longer have ethical concerns, Hannibal. You have aesthetical ones.”

THAT’S THE JOKER.

when faced with a choice, most people think acting in ways that are moral, that don’t hurt people, that seek good things for themselves but without doing bad things to other people

The Joker, as we see his philosophy in The Killing Joke, approaches the world looking for “How could this be funny?” and then doesn’t place a LIMIT on hurting people to make the joke work.

If an improv group got together and made jokes, they would have moral limits - generally speaking, no one is going to stab someone even if it would be the best punchline to the improvised set up.

But the Joker would. Because he’s seeking not the highest good, the most righteous thing, or even the thing most beneficial to himself, he’s LOOKING FOR THE BEST JOKE.

which is why we like him - his brain is NUTS because he doesn’t limit himself, but the joke is recognizable. The Joker HAS TO KNOW how to put together a good set up and then a good punchline, one that people can recognize, because that’s what comedy is.

So a viable Joker has to have more structure than most villains in films, because you can’t have a joke if you don’t buy in, and buy in takes time, and then the joke has to be funny enough that we momentarily forget that someone just got murdered for the punchline - like when Ledger’s joker stabbed that guy in the eye with a pencil and acted like it was a MAGIC TRICK, because, look! I made the pencil disappear - INTO THIS GUY’S SKULL

so, SUICIDE SQUAD. a movie which I mostly enjoyed, but, here’s what’s true - the Joker’s NOT FUNNY.

Good versions of the Joker have to make you laugh, even as you squirm, and Leto’s just *doesn’t*. He seems to be taking the most noticeable parts of Ledger’s performance, WHICH WAS HILARIOUS, and skipping the comedy.

“BUT HE WAS EDITED OUT,” I hear some of you cry.

Which is fair. Editing can kill the funny - it can ruin the set up, it can break the punchline - editing is crucial to humor, because editing is how time in films is constructed, and comedy is all about timing.

but Jared Leto is a high profile actor in a role that is super high profile and he made sure to hype up the performance a lot, so if the movie doesn’t actually contain any examples of leto’s joker being funny, I’m going to have to make an assumption here that the movie is showing us the best they’ve got. like, there was every good external reason to find ways to keep leto in the film, and he’s NOT THERE.

And while i have not watched all the promotional footage of Leto talking about the prep for the role (in which, btw, I think Leto is SUPER FUCKING CREEPY AND UNPROFESSIONAL), there is no mention of humor.

I mean, I could be wrong!

but it doesn’t seem like Leto cared about the Joker being funny. And that’s why his Joker sucks. Because if the JOKER doesn’t care about COMEDY, then he’s not the Joker - he’s a just dude with a dye job.

This entry was originally posted at http://kitewithfish.dreamwidth.org/389498.html.

IN BOSTON

I just moved back to Boston, and I am kind of interested in fun, cheap things to do. (Cheap being less than $20 per person), and in particular ways to meet new people.

So, anyone have any great experiences of Boston that they would love to pass on? I don't care how touristy or silly or mildly insane, I will take all suggestions!

This entry was originally posted at http://kitewithfish.dreamwidth.org/389183.html.
Actually kind of a live blog....


ALL THE SPOILERS, NONE OF THE CONTEXT!Collapse )

This entry was originally posted at http://kitewithfish.dreamwidth.org/388883.html.
Wow, that was not where I expected this episode to go. Seriously, this is the kind of father/son relationship that you come back from?

From the minute Dr. Mora showed up to talk about Odo's past, I assumed that the episode was setting him up as the villain-- the abusive father figure.

Read more!Collapse )

This entry was originally posted at http://kitewithfish.dreamwidth.org/388611.html.

I'm from Boston.

I live in Chicago. My people are fine. I wish I were home. I don't know what to do.

This entry was originally posted at http://kitewithfish.dreamwidth.org/388459.html.
She didn't have a library card. That's the part that sunk in, despite the fact that her credit cards and her favorite wallet were gone now, too, and she would have to call and get replacements for all her insurance cards. The stamps were gone, and that check from her aunt too.

But the library card stuck in her mind. She'd been on her way to the Harold Washington Library, massive orange-brown building crowned with outrageous green bronze wings and swirls, when she noticed the wallet was missing. She had to backtrack to the cafe and leave a note in case anyone found it, and then back to the office where she had interviewed to call and check that she hadn't lost it there.

The interviewer let her in, confused, and very nice about it- she let her go back in the interview room and helped check around. They even let her borrow a computer to get the numbers for her banks and credit union and the Chicago police department. She let her out of the office again with a sympathetic smile and promised to call in a week about the position.

She spent the afternoon pacing the plaza around Calder's Flamingo while bankers also cooed and hushed over her and asked if a $2389.56 charge at Bloomingdales was hers? That cleared it up- stolen, not lost. She was miserable and hungry. She couldn't buy lunch like she had planned. It was a warmer day in April, but it was April in Chicago. She'd been standing in the cold for two and half hours now while a cop on the phone congratulated her on not having more than two credit cards.

Her CTA card in a side pocket had escaped- she could take the train home. She had her iPod, she could listen to music. Her phone in a side pocket was fine. Her Kindle in her tote was still there, she could read. But she didn't have a library card. She couldn't go and get the Royko book from the library now, and she'd been trying to find it as an ebook for a week already. It didn't exist. And stealing a library card was just so petty.

She'd had a library card since she was eight, living at the old house in Rhode Island with the public library built out of rough stone that always seemed to swelter or freeze. The first paper card she'd had with the bar code on the back let her take out 10 books at a time. She'd never really bothered to leave the children's section of that library, which had seemed so massive to her back then. The weekly stack of books varied, and eventually even that library card was put aside for one to another library in another state, to be replaced by a college ID that doubled for her course books. Until she got to Chicago and had to sign the back of another chunky piece of plastic for the public library system, and she was in.

It just seemed so pointless, stealing a library card- the credit cards she could understand, and she'd really only lost a couple hours of time with the police and the banks. And the license could be sold and used for underage club goers. The wallet even, which was her favorite by far and a considered choice, to finally put out more money than she needed on something nice and sturdy and matched her purse. She could understand stealing the wallet.

But stealing her library card? For access to books that were already free. For the first little bit of adult responsibility that even little children get to have, that basic right to get out into the world and know things and learn and to have conversations with adults that were not family or parents. For that duty to keep safe library books because they didn't just belong to you, they belonged to everyone, and it was so important that they belong to everyone that towns built buildings and hired staff to make sure everyone could get them. For that security that said even if the internet failed and she never got a job, she could still get things to read. She'd still be a person.

She felt the loss of the credit cards as the loss of a convenience. She felt the loss of the library card like she'd walked into her childhood home to find her bedroom was gone.

This entry was originally posted at http://kitewithfish.dreamwidth.org/388222.html.
"I don't know how many times in how many different ways I can say this: Lecturing marginalized people on the ways in which they need to make privileged people more comfortable is not just failing to be a good ally; it is deeply hostile behavior that centers the comfort of the already-privileged. Maintaining one's comfort cannot be an objective of someone keen to shed hir privilege."

-Melissa McEwan
Go and read the rest of her post here: And Then This Happened. (Part umptyone of the ongoing documentation of movement atheism being jerks to women.)

This entry was originally posted at http://kitewithfish.dreamwidth.org/387983.html.
Sterile proficiency is the hallmark of revamping my resume. It's not a creative task- in fact, it's a task that requires a certain inflexible uniformity, an awareness of the norms ands strict adherence to them. It's a miserable, soul grinding task. It's the skill of making oneself unobjectionable.

Also, I hate men in cafes. Not that I don't hate men in other circumstances. But in cafes it becomes obvious: men lack social graces. Women are cordial: Pardon me. Would you mind...? may I sit here? The subjunctive and the conditional abound, and all in all the pressure of other people's mind is gently soothed away by a clear signal: I mean no harm. Men are blunt: I need another chair. Is this space free? Not the slightest energy put into being anything than large and present and taking up as much space as they feel is their due.

I'm being harsh. There are plenty of thoughtful, gentle men and even traditional gentlemen who do not impose themselves unnecessarily on others.

But shit on a cinderblock, if you're going to ask for the other chair sitting empty at my table, could you please bother to do better than, "I need a chair." I don't care if you need a chair. I don't know you. I am unmoved by you. You are breaking my attention for the thing I am doing and offer no acknowledgment of that fact, much less an apology for the imposition.

Do better.






Note: Yes, I have encountered rude women. They are farther between by far than men. Women are generally obliged to apologize for our existence in a way men are not, and so "I'm sorry" comes to our lips far more readily in situations where it's even slightly called for. Rude women are generally specific and pointed in their rudeness, rather than blundering.

This entry was originally posted at http://kitewithfish.dreamwidth.org/387625.html.
My friend Tolkienista and I just had an interesting conversation about slash and sexuality and whether or not it’s okay for slash authors (many of whom, if not all, are white cisfemale authors writing about cismen having sex with other cismen.)

I’m a white cisfemale bisexual woman living in large city, for the sake of this conversation. Tolkienista’s a friend of mine from grad school, and also a white gay cisgender man.

Tolkienista’s blog can be found here. http://tolkienista.wordpress.com/

On the Editing: I have marked the majority of my edits with [content changed brackets] to indicate changes. Places where […] is marked indicate spots were non-relevant or confusing bits of conversation happened- mostly going, “Oh, yeah, right, I see what you mean” etc etc, and I have removed them for the sake of flow. Other unmarked corrections for grammar and spelling occurred.

Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Tolkienista
I am wondering, for a moment, about slash. Because I just read a long tumblr thing from a woman who was sort of blistering about the HRC logos and then talks about being into writing slash.

Kitewithfish
Which she should be- [HRC] are kind of problematic in their complete domination of the discussion about gay rights

Tolkienista
No, I get that
[…]

Tolkienista
And I am just suddenly wondering about the ethical dimension of imagining and writing about the sexual experience of someone who is not "your people," in a very narrowly defined sense of the term.

Also, I think people are wrong when they say that the HRC dominates discussion of gay rights. I actually think that gay rights began to move forward a bit in the past five years as the HRC's rights-centric, steady-as-she-goes approach stopped being as popular among rank-and-file

But they are right when they say that the HRC is awful

so I consider it a wash.

Kitewithfish
I think there's something to be said for the problems of slash being an extension of patriarchal systems of thought

In that most of the authors are women, righting about sexual experiences in which there are no women.

And most of them DON'T go anywhere NEAR the gay issues properly
Keep reading!Collapse )

This entry was originally posted at http://kitewithfish.dreamwidth.org/387382.html.

My word, Easter was dreary

Since my fall from ordination, which had its very first crappy anniversary a few weeks ago, I have been pretty dissatisfied with church. Specifically, I haven't been even going to church, even tho I now live pretty far from the church that burned my ass not that long ago.

So, for the first time in my life, the season of this year have not been measured in the contraction of space and time predetermined by the church's holy calendar. I've been free of the crushing sadness of going to church, where I invariably sit back judging the priest on what I would have done in their place, but I also have been unmoored. I grew up behind the scenes of parish life, with a clear understanding of the power struggles and personal vendettas that go into being mired in the fallen world of physical being while striving to build a community whose foundations have been laid in eternity. People are people, and so there will be squabbles and snarls and someone will throw up in the plant pot. Without the smell of incense, my nose is uncalibrated. Without the stained glass windows, my eyes feel strange to themselves. (And how perfect a metaphor, that even the windows are stained as we are with the imperfections that make us glorious and give us identity.)

I was turned down for ordination in Lent, and it feels in some way as if this year has been an unending Lent, a penitent season to a child who does not understand her sins, and thus cannot understand to repent for them. Until she understands that is not her sins, but those against her from which she has to heal.

I went to Ash Wednesday this year. You are dust, and to dust you shall return. I feel the truth of that in the base carbon of my own body and in my achy feet and in my tired eyes.

But I did not go to Easter this year, because I do not feel myself resurrected.

This entry was originally posted at http://kitewithfish.dreamwidth.org/387196.html.
My back hurts and my eyes will not unsquint on command anymore. The soapy water is cooling on my stomach where it was pressed against the sink, and I now get to sit down, blessedly, but the situation is quite frankly less than ideal. I hate doing dishes before bed.

Evening is the time for rest, for the burdens of the day to be put momentarily aside in favor of company. Doing dishes is a solitary task- I frankly shoo away people who want to come and visit with me while I'm doing the dishes. It's rough soapy honest work that lends itself to introspection and a good tune. It is not time for chatting. Evening is time for chatting, and I've just done the dishes in the evening for the first time in several years. The contrast has left me dissatisfied and chafed and a bit damp around the waist.

The Gentleman and I have reached a new compact- chores have been allotted and a timeline assigned, which means both our work for this week has just escalated, as well as for next week, and the week after that, and the week after that. It's daunting to have this all stretched out in front of me, ad infinitum, but that's the thing about marriages. There are times when they stretch out in front of you and point towards as much infinity as either of you are going to get, and that's kind of a dark place, to be honest.

To see your life measured out in fortnightly floor washes, knowing that at some point, you won't be washing the same floor anymore, and eventually, you won't be keeping track of the stretch on GoogleDocs anymore, that first the place where you both live will change around you and the tools you use to measure it will shift and stretch as well around the little patch of eternity that you both have laid out in front of you. Because the compact between you will outlast the buildings around you, the cells in your hand, the knees you cushion on a folded towel against the hard floor, will outlast eventually both of you in all your components, and everything in you except the will to keep it going.

It's the humble eternity that measures out the end of you and me and both of us together. Someday we will both be dust, and in the time remaining to us, we'll commit to spending some of it on our knees washing the floor, making the place we live in now a fit place.

This entry was originally posted at http://kitewithfish.dreamwidth.org/386917.html.

A Terrible Start to the Morning...

I was having a brief conversation with the Gentleman, and he wouldn't look at me, and he said he was leaving me and getting back together with an old girlfriend, [Christina]. Then he left.

So I was left in our apartment without any money, because he's the one with the job and he had just... left. And I wanted to get in touch with him, but I kept getting distracted. The apartment building had turned into a gutted multistory slum, populated with people having sex in public stairwells and generally being scary in the shadows of the concrete remaining. At least one character from 'The Wire' was there, and being extra snarly.

I kept wandering through it and thinking, I should get in touch with the Gentleman, it's been a day. Where will I get enough money to live on? Then something would happen and I would forget to call him. Whenever I thought of calling him, it was laced through with this numb disbelief that it's been two days, why haven't I called him? Why am I not worried about calling him?

Except that somehow I knew he was not there and would not answer and would not look me in the eye, and that was completely wrong. Even if he did break up with me, he would take my call and help me get out of a scary slum because he is a nice person. So I was both aware of how out of character he was acting, and still completely not phased by it because it was a dream and reality is never quite set.

Then I somehow got out of the dream-slum and into a fancy restaurant set up for a banquet, only I was dressed in rags and the hostess was calling my name like a teacher calling attendance. There was a big tufted chair waiting for me next to my mom and she was mad at me for being late but everything else seemed rather dreamy.

When I sat down, I saw that down at the far end of the table in a party dress was the woman that the Gentleman was leaving me for. And she sat there glaring at me all the way down the table. The Gentleman was not there and I still was terribly upset that he was avoiding me, and still kind of half-sleepily recognized that he was behaving completely out of character.

I guess I woke up during the banquet, and of course, the Gentleman was out of bed because his alarm had gone off fifteen minutes before, which I think means that this entire dream took place realtime after he got out of bed and I sleepily noticed it and went back to bed.

So the thing to do was of course crawl out of bed and into the living room and plop myself onto his lap and tell him the whole story about how he'd divorced me in a dream and it was terrible. The woman he was dating in the dream was not someone he's ever dated, and she's married too, but she does have a fairly impressive glare. A whole lot of the feeling associated with the dream felt very much like the whole fiasco last year around this time with a boss who was being fairly terrible and noncommunicative, which came to a boil and resulted in me leaving that informal internship.

And I'm fairly certain this was all triggered by my normal sleepy mind noticing that the Gentleman had gotten out of bed and left, spinning wild fantasies as to why he was not staying when I had never called out for him in real life.

So yeah, I need some freaking tea.

This entry was originally posted at http://kitewithfish.dreamwidth.org/386778.html.

On the cusp of revolution

I am so looking forward to the day when it is taken for granted that there will be an ebook copy of a book available.

We've got such huge gaping chasm of which books can be found as ebooks- either the very old and the very famous which have been preserved and distributed for free through things like Gutenberg, or the newest publications coming out. That's it.

There is such a vast library in human history that will probably never be made into ebooks, because the demand is too small or the text too rare or the effort to convert it is too costly. I'm looking at you, books in Fraktur, incunabula, and those fragile texts that preserve the trade records of tiny German nations. You're probably going to remain obscure and hefty at best.

Wanting an ebook is not a huge deal, right? And if the author of a work is alive and savvy, then maybe someday there will be before the author stops being able to control the use of their works. But for works where the author has died, we're in the waiting period until it enters public domain

As we move on, the major texts are largely becoming available for free online, as long as they are old enough to slip under the copyright laws. And the edge is moving ever closer- there are a lot of books that are coming out this year for free that were under copyright last year, and the list gets bigger every year. As long as someone wants them enough, they can be found.

The problem is, of course, copyright law in the US and the limitations on fair use- other have written about this, better, but I'm just staring down from this mountain of freely available modern novels and even some textbooks, looking back at the vast number of books that were written since, and I just want them in ebook form.

Is it really too much to ask?



(I've been looking for an ebook of Royko's "Boss" - a 1987 book, but the author passed on in 1997, so there are, as far as I can tell, no publicly available ebooks, and might not be any privately available versions, either. But all you need is one person who's willing to share....)

This entry was originally posted at http://kitewithfish.dreamwidth.org/386547.html.
Pancho Villa's last words are probably apocryphal- getting shot multiple times killed him instantly, and no contemporary account records these last words.

But, damn. Those are some perfect last words. Most of the other recorded last words that I know are remembered because they were pretty damned cool. Voltaire's "Now is not the time to be making enemies." Oscar Wilde- "Either these curtains go or I do." They're someone taking their very last chance to make some kind of impression on the world, to be remembered.

And who knows? Maybe Wilde and Voltaire didn't say anything at all- maybe someone who loved their work just made something up to make sure the legacy stayed.

"Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something." makes a plea to be remembered, to make an impression, even while it squanders that opportunity to make an impression. Aware of his impending death, he stills uses the last thing he can say to ask for another chance to change things, even while he knows he'll never get the chance. It's legacy, and heartbreak, and that horribly human thing we do of knowing that we are screwing up even while we do it.

This entry was originally posted at http://kitewithfish.dreamwidth.org/386146.html.

I should have known better.

Just when I expected that I knew all the esoteric sexual practices fandom could throw at me: figging.

COMMUNITY these days seems kind of disappointing and bleh? I mean, yay for new episodes! Yay for the show attempting to survive, because the cast of Community have been my happy place for a good while now, but I feel like the last couple episodes have not taken us to any place new or unexpected. And there's been a weird focus on Jeff doing things off screen or being the center of the show in a way that doesn't feel natural at this point in the series' development. Where are the sharp edges?

This entry was originally posted at http://kitewithfish.dreamwidth.org/385810.html.

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Les Militaribles

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=lZunEARBb6I

Les Miserables ROK Air Force Parody

Honestly, can't even deal.

This entry was originally posted at http://kitewithfish.dreamwidth.org/385546.html.

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blerg

-Bullet points!

-Saw Hunger Games. Deeply impressed.

-Got clawed by cat. Not impressed. Cat phobia continues. Constant vigilance!

-Saw new Community episode! Deeply impressed by show's ability to shove itself up its own ass.

-Spent some of this day working on job acquisition. Feeling better now.

-This week has all the holidays.

This entry was originally posted at http://kitewithfish.dreamwidth.org/385347.html.

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Decaf teas?

In which I rise from a grave of unfinished posts!

Firstly, does anyone have a good recommendation for a tasty non caffeinated tea? It's too cold and miserable in my hometown to forego an evening cuppa, and I can't deal with caffeine late in the day. Peppermint has been a favorite, chamomile is a distant second- I appreciate a good herbal blend but I wouldn't be against a decaf blend that's truly decaf.

Secondly, still job searching. Boo.

Thirdly, I've been mainlining Spartacus:Blood and Sand and Extraneous Differently Named Seasons and Elementary.

Spartacus has a real gift for sexy naked men and more violence than I care for- I kept up with it because there was good press about it's treatment of same-sex romance. On that front, it's not delivering as much as I would like, but after a season and a half, I am surprised to discover that the character development for the supporting cast impresses me- there's really only one character of a cast of a dozen or so getting regular screentime who doesn't have some backstory and development. Mind you, he's an Arab (Syrian) villain who is also rapey, sooooooooooo. There's a problem I saw coming from the writers. But ancient Rome is portrayed as convincingly will of POC's, and I'm holding out for the rest of the season to redeem itself. I was holding out for a well-costumed period piece, and Spartacus is delivering nicely.

But, dammit, I get caught up on certain weird things. Like, the main cast has men who are circumcised when it doesn't make sense for their cultural background. And. Well, that tells you a lot about what kind of show it has been, ne? :) And how the ancient Romans are waaaaaaay less conflicted about oral sex than they were in real life- it's an odd hangup to the modern mind.

Elementary is best enjoyed when I stop trying to mentally compare it to the modern BBC Sherlock adaptation. Lucy Liu is a WONDERFUL Watson and interesting and has a convincing emotional life, and while there Sherlock is not as blindingly clever, he also seem to be shaping up to be intelligent and clever enough to make me think that he's a real detective rather than a deus ex machina. There were a few rough episodes at the start, but the show's hit its stride by episode 6 or 7. I do think that a case can be made that Watson, in both shows, is the main character, but I think that the balance of the BBC show favors Sherlock more as a brilliant mind, and that the America adaptation favors Watson..... but I'm still chewing on it.

This entry was originally posted at http://kitewithfish.dreamwidth.org/385028.html.

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Buffy plot bunny- Royal AU

So, once upon a time in a fairly modern alternate universe,
Into every generation is born a slayer, one girl in all the world, the chosen one, who will lead her kingdom in to peace and prosperity with the dueling powers of the Californians kingdoms.

Regent Giles, sent from the Council on Kingship, is the appointed tutor and steward of the small kingdom of Summerlands, ruling justly while also preparing Her Royal Highness Buffy of the House of Summers, princess and lady of battle, to be a just ruler and queen. Raised in a normal household and illegitimate, Buffy didn't know her father until he died without an heir, leaving her as the last in the line of Summers and stuck in a life she does't want. She enters the court to meet Count Alexander of Harris, the bumbling son of a defunct noble family with pretensions to lost grandeur and power, and Lady Willow, the daughter of a recently established noble family (one of the first Jewish families appointed to nobility by the late king) and a powerful witch in her own right, tho she could stand to get out of the house more rather than training so much.


blarg blarg- ruling is the burden, instead of being a slayer...


The Summerlands are menaced by the Aurelian Dynasty, a longstanding territory ruled by the Vampires of the Aurelieus clan. In the war, the anti-human Master and his childe, Darla. This leaves Angel, the Vampire with a soul, trying to sort out the local squabbling and keep his kingdom from turning into a bloodbath. The bad kind. The main problems are Drusilla and Spike. Drusilla is a political tool and can never be trusted to rule on her own, but her visions are valuable to Angel. Spike, however, is a menace. He's rowdy as hell since Drusilla dumped him, makes a complete mess of Angel's poor planning for political reasons, and generally is a Problem for Angel to deal with.

Angel can't wait to get rid of him, and since he's not the official heir to Aurelieus with Drusilla live, Angel can wed Spike, and his gobs of vampiric lucre, off to a high ranking noble in the Summerlands to make the peace treaty stick.

Giles thinks it's lamentable but necessary, Willow is aghast, Buffy is just glad it's not HER, and Xander is mostly trying to get over the fact that his father knew he was gay the whole time.

This entry was originally posted at http://kitewithfish.dreamwidth.org/384597.html.

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Purple Nails and Cover Up

So, I painted my nails this light purple color.I don't know the name of this shade, but it's one of Orly's Mani Mini collection, and it's a nice light purple, but a very true purple- not lilac or lavender or something. (The pinky nail gives you the best idea of the realy color, and it's rather translucent.)


I like the color, but I found that it was a bit TOO sheer- two coats still left it kind of streaky, and it didn't build up. I was left with short cartoonishly purple nails that reminded me TOO much of a certain kid's show dinosaur. A nice color to have, but a little childish when I was finished thinking about it.

So I covered it up!

I've had several polishes that I wanted to test for their sheerness in the past, and now I had my chance. Here's the verdict.

Pinky- Sephora by OPI's Rumba Romance, a very fine bronze glitter in clear polish that actually layers really nicely. It's pretty translucent, and the color just reeks of sophistication. It layered rather nicely over the purple.

Ring finger- essie's limo-scene, a rather sheer pinky white. This is the most whiplash I've had from a nail polish purchase recently. In the bottle, this color looks white. Like, honest blank white. In the pictures on essie's website, it's PINK! Pale, but indubitably pink. Really, really annoying, because I was not looking for a sheer clear pink, I wanted WHITE. As you can see, it layers very translucently over the purple, and it's not a bad effect overall, but not what I wanted at all. It's not pink, and it's not white, and while it's kind of a nice neutral sheer color, I really was not looking for a nice neutral sheer color when I bought this.

Kind people, do you have a good solid white polish that goes on solid true white?

Middle finger: essie's no place like chrome- a totally solid chrome silver. I love this color, I would wear it all the time if it weren't such a statement color. The purple was GONE under this, and it proved exactly how not sheer this color was.

Index finger: Sephora by OPI's What's a tire jack?- solid black. It doesn't come across, but this is only the slightest bit sheer. As in, it's a different and deeper black than it would have been over a plain nail, and it's kind of nice. Overall, tho, it went on a nice dark solid black and it's great.

Thumb- essie's a cut above- metallic pink glitter in a clear polish. This glitter polish is such a strange beast! It can look completely cheesy, like in this picture, or really really sophisticated over a neutral beige that I have. I applied two coats to get a nice even distribution of the glitter. This actually makes a really good fast drying topcoat, and I'm in love. It just makes me really pleased when I can get the distribution right. The glitter varies in size from a nice chunk to the size of a pencil point, and it really just adds a lot to the final distribution of color. I'm in love.

The only think I don't love about "a cut above" is the removal- getting glitter off usually takes more polish remover than otherwise, and it sticks like made. I often end up having to scrape at the remaining glitter with a cuticle pusher and discarding the remains.

This entry was originally posted at http://kitewithfish.dreamwidth.org/384259.html.

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Nails again- Basic Red

Basic RED on shorter nails
Basic RED on shorter nails

Nail polish: Sephora by OPI - High Maintenance (opaque bright orange red), $9.50 at Sephora**

This is the first time I have trimmed my nails this short in a long while, and I went with a very basic and classic color to highlight the shape and length of them. Compared to the last two, this is very simple, and I picked it to let myself get used to the idea that short nails can also be classy and glamorous.

I have been trying to grow my nails out for several months now- basically since July. I've had a long history as a nailbiter, more due to boredom and the way having any nail growth at all felt ~weird~ and wrong to someone used to having no nails at all beyond the nailbed itself. I wasn't really able to think about growing out my nails until this summer, because I felt like I never had the time to learn how to do this properly.

I got my nails done professionally for a big giant event this summer (in fact, I got them done about three times in the course of womanly bonding and prep for the actual day of the event) and I found it really, really helpful! *

But because my nail polish use started as a means to master my quest for Longer, Less-Bitten Nails, I really didn't like to cut them at all. I filed and shaped them (squarish for one experiment, very oval for the French Manicure experiment in last post), but I really let them grow out, and it worked really well!

The nail beds, which were formerly quite far down on my finger from all my abuse, have slowly moved their way back up the finger to something that looks more normal for most people. My nails are growing stronger because they have a stronger base, and they break less.

So today, I decided that my long nails had accomplished their task for now, and I filed my nails down a fair bit. Not quite to the quick, because that is still rather far down on my nails, but just enough that I can now make a real good punching fist without stabbing through my palms.

I have to say that I like the look of longer nails better on my hands- it's rather elegant and I think it makes my rather small hands look a big more proportionate.

But they are getting in the way of my personal life, so for now, I will be experimenting with shorter nails and how to make them look awesome without growing them out longer than I can handle.

*Digression: ON THE USEFULNESS OF PROFESSIONAL MANICURES:Collapse )


**I'm going to try and make sure to post where you can buy this polishes in the future, especially for things that are not basic drugstore brands in the US.


_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

NAIL MYTH SURVEY: In the comments, darlings.

My darling husband says that filing one's nails, as opposed to cutting them with clippers, makes the nail grow back thicker and stronger.

Have any of you heard of this story? Do you put any truth to it? Comment below!

I've never heard of it and I think this is bullshit on the level of saying that shaving your legs makes the hair grow back thicker- it cuts off the tapered part of the hair and makes it more rough to the touch, but shaving cannot change the genetically determined level of hairiness of your legs.

This entry was originally posted at http://kitewithfish.dreamwidth.org/384083.html.

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Nail post! EDIT: PHOTOS

I bought myself a little nail art kit from Sephora last week and I've been having some fun with it. The set includes a fiddly little brush and a dotting tool with two tips, so I've been able to do some more difficult nail project that had escaped me before.

The first experiment:
dotty marks in beige and fuscia on a black nailbed.
EDIT: PIC: https://picasaweb.google.com/103507499686215769412/Nails#5795608151078336978

Polishes: Sephora by OPI: What's a Tire Jack (opaque black), Leotard Optional (opaque mocha beige - I did not write this color description!), It's All About Me! (opaque muted hot pink)

Technique: Base coat, two coats of black. Then I brushed a small amount of the beige into a plastic spoon and dipped the small point of the dotting tool into it, and started on my nails. I tried to leave the tip of the nail mostly plain and focus on more dots closer to the base of the nail. I tried to do a fair few dots per nail, and to scatter them in a pleasingly random way. I let them dry for a bit, while I washed the dotting tool tip with polish remover to clean it. Next I did the hot pink, and frankly, it's not very opaque. It was very washed out on the black, so I tried to layer it over the beige- that was the only way I could see it very clearly against the black. After that dried, I did a second time round with the beige and wrapped it all up in a top coat.

The second experiment

a french manicure with silver tips and a little bit of stray nail polish

EDIT: PIC: https://picasaweb.google.com/103507499686215769412/Nails#5795608166896870418

Polishes: Essie's Blanc (sheer white), Essie's No Place Like Chrome (silver metallic)

This is based off Lisa Eldridge's video with a professional nail artist doing "The New French Manicure". Her notes and descriptions are much much better than I could put together, so please head over to her video.


This entry was originally posted at http://kitewithfish.dreamwidth.org/383809.html.

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Original(ish) fic: Hope it Gives you Hell

If you find a man that's worth and damn and treats you well,
then he's a fool,
it's just as well,
Hope it gives you hell.


The last few months had been hell. The tours, the late nights, the constant travel were bad enough before she realized, no, she couldn't keep up with the band. The thrill of being backstage faded when it was where you were every single night, when she just wanted to sleep some nights without having to worry about whether one of the other guys was going to try bringing someone back to the bus and forget which bunk she was in.

Dammit, she'd been trying. Her degree was done and his band as suddenly huge, so it had seemed like a good plan, a great adventure even, to follow him around the country on their first big tour. She'd missed him the first time, and he'd come back with a fucking tattoo on his neck, and it. was. fine. Because for the first time he was really incredibly happy. The work was so important to him, and he was just bursting with energy. They'd recorded the next CD in a two-week blur and he'd written eight more songs for the one after, and some of them were really, really good.

Couldn't she just be happy for him? Be happy with him?

She's been trying so hard. But the next tour took them both away from home for months, and while she'd met great, amazing people, half of them still didn't remember her name by the end of the run. She was still "The Girlfriend" to a lot of people, and it got old fast. And she'd tried to step up for herself, especially when the other guys in the band had noticed it too, and things got better for a little. But then they went right back to not paying that much attention to her when the stress got too high again.

She knew she had to be her own advocate here. It's not like she got a pre law degree based on sitting down and shutting up in class- she'd fought her way to the top just like the rest of them had in college. But no one had her back here, it seemed, and went she finally got tired of it she could still hear them talking about her in the back of the bus when they thought she was asleep.

So she'd applied for a few internships without asking him his plans, and when one came through, a really good one, a firm with the kind of nonprofit background she'd wanted and a decent family leave policy and a really kickass history in the community, she'd knew she couldn't back down. And they'd kissed goodbye and made promises and tried to call regularly. The next tour went off without her and honestly, it had been really really great, not to have to pack up and leave the world behind.

She knew some of the other guys had fucked around on their girlfriends on tour, and the money had changed the dynamics, for some shitty reason. The other girlfriends (a rotating crew sometimes) tended to put up with it in a way she'd never have done, and while she respected him for that a lot, for not putting her through that, when he'd call and talk to her about the chances he could have taken and didn't, because he loved her, it felt like he wanted to be rewarded for it. It left a bad taste in her mouth- was she supposed to thank him? for not hurting her like that? He was supposed to love her.

She hadn't believed the tabloids that put him in bed with that slender brunette. He called her to beg her to believe him, but she already did, and he acted like it was a great gesture on her part, but really, she just thought the papers were stupid. He seemed almost disappointed that she wasn't angrier, and that felt like a bad sign, but she called it a win.

When he called one evening, she picked it up after fishing her phone out from under a pile of yellow legal pads. He wanted to take a break, and while she was concerned, she was having a blast and she really didn't have the time to hunt him down halfway across the world and find out what about Japan had made him change his mind about them.

It was kind of sad, but he seemed resolved, so she let it go and they'd talk about it when he came home in a few weeks.

Then the next set of photos came out, with a different girl, and there was no mistaking it this time. A reporter called her and asked what was going on, and she told him that they were on a break, and she saw the quote in a follow-up piece on some blog, and that's when she got the second call.

"Why wouldn't you fight for me? Why wouldn't you get mad at me? I'm fucking cheating on you, dammit! Why don't you get mad?" He'd been drunk, and slurring, and the logic was just insane. He'd wanted out, but really he wanted her to fight for him? When he hadn't wanted to even talk about it? When he'd been gone for the better part of two years being a rock star? When he didn't even notice that she couldn't sleep in a bus for another summer?

She hung up and went back to her life, the one where she mattered and people respected her and the people using the insane logic were the ones on the other side of the courtroom, and you could at least try to beat them.

When the single had come out, she hadn't bought it, but the dedication had shown up online in a few hours. "Here's to you, bitch."

Charming.

The song talked about her choosing something else over him, and how he hoped it would torture her later, every time she saw his face, and it just sounded bitter, but it sounded like him. Honestly, it really did sound like him. So she took her phone off the hook for a couple evenings, filtered her email a bit better, and basically ignored it. How many time was he going to pick something else over her and then blame her for it later? She'd lost count. She was done.

And if it went down in pop history that he'd been dumped by her, who was she to care? She knew what happened, and it's not like it was ever going to come up in a job interview.

This entry was originally posted at http://kitewithfish.dreamwidth.org/383529.html.

Dammit Tumblr

It's becoming clear to me that I'm going to need to start dealing with Tumblr if I want to keep up on my Once Upon A Time fic

This entry was originally posted at http://kitewithfish.dreamwidth.org/383375.html.

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Dammit

I finished "Once Upon A Time" yesterday afternoon.

I've been rewatching since.

I think I'm doomed. Honestly, truly, madly, doomed.

SIX SEASONS AND A MOVIE.

This entry was originally posted at http://kitewithfish.dreamwidth.org/383132.html.

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Once Upon a Time- OMG this is awesome

So, I missed VividCon again, despite it being in my home city, by means of not paying attention and finding out about it by accident too late to attend. Like last year. And the year before that. I need to get myself some alerts or something.

In other news, I have started watched ONCE UPON A TIME and it's amazing! And I can't read the fic yet, because I am seriously behind in the first season (Just watched episode 12 "Skin Deep") and it's KILLING ME. Because this is a show where, despite it being about stories that I sort of know*, they end up twisting the story enough that I can't take anything for granted.

It's kind of like watching really, really well done crossover fiction- connections that scream for attention get made, but also connections you were never expecting and that really, really draw you in and surprise you.


*My God, but this show relies on the Disney-fied versions a lot.

This entry was originally posted at http://kitewithfish.dreamwidth.org/382844.html.

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Blarg! A whine without cheese.

I am feeling depressed and kind of mean. I am not working, and I haven't found a job yet. Which, by the way, is ridiculous to be angry about! Because I've been trying for about 2 weeks, most of which have been dealing with immigration and the aftermath of moving and graduating from a really reall really ridiculously difficult school.

I don't even have the RIGHT to feel annoyed at this point. Because it's really functionally not been very long at all. And it was foolish of me to be upset in the first place, because I have a place to leave and money and someone who works to provide both of us with these things. So I don't have the right to be depressed.

But I feel like I don't have a purpose anymore, when I used to have something that ate up my days and made me feel valuable and good at something. I have nothing to pin my ego on except my housework, and it just grates against me to let my brain make the comparison. But it's making it without my permission. And I really rather suck at housework.


I just... I had expected to have a job by now. I had expected to be doing something related to my main goal career right now. And I'm not, and that kind of sucks.

While at the same time I feel completely ashamed at being so at sea about it, because many many people have it much much much tougher than I do, and manage to do something amazing and support themselves. It's just. I haven't learned how to do that yet. And I hate not knowing how to do something.


So, pardon my self indulgence- I will be getting off my butt and making contact with people, and getting out and having a life and deciding to do cool things. But I needed to wallow aloud a bit first.

This entry was originally posted at http://kitewithfish.dreamwidth.org/382719.html.
My Gentleman got confirmation that his green card is in the mail after our immigration interview last week, so I am officially at the happy ending of the Long March from Hell, a period which included two weddings (one civil), four plane trips (one transcontinental), a thesis, a graduation, vocational disappointment, a move, and an immigration interview.  

All of these were good things! Even the vocational disappointment, in the long view! But mofo, I am glad to be done with all of that.

This entry was originally posted at http://kitewithfish.dreamwidth.org/382328.html.

Mother Superior jumped the gun, and a plea

Watching: Miss Marple. For she is awesome.

BUT.  I am in a situation, friends! For I have lost my fanvids.  My computer, stalwart though she is, had a major harddrive problem, which meant that I've got a new harddrive.  I didn't lose any of my important files- things like my taxes and my travel plans are all still there.There's only one problem.

I didn't back up my fanvids.

I've lost nearly all of them- the one with the Cylons to the Coldplay song, the Supernatural one that involves the line about having flippers, the random Highlander one that involved Methos (who is the only Highlander character I can actually recognize) and how he is like a cat, the one that actually introduced me to Lady Gaga via Spock and Kirk.

And I need them back, friends.

Can you help me find awesome fanvids again? Post your favorites, and I will follow them and be happy.

This entry was originally posted at http://kitewithfish.dreamwidth.org/381969.html.

Week one of unemployment.

I graduated from my Masters program last Saturday. Yay! (If you have any questions to ask an M.Div, I'm here!)

But that means that for the last week, I have been unemployed.

It's a weird feeling. The only things I have to do during the day are housework and looking for a job, and preparing for the upcoming Wedding! Immigration! and other dances. It's kind of hard and kind of scary, frankly. Because our situation is such that, I could stay at home and just look for a job quite comfortably for a while, except that I need to be employed before The Gentleman's work visa turns into a pumpkin. And that's a bit unnerving.

Well, more than a bit.

I'd prefer to pretend that I am on vacation.

This entry was originally posted at http://kitewithfish.dreamwidth.org/381768.html.
Today: write a paper, study Croatian

Tomorrow: finish the paper, take final exam in Croatian

Thursday: sleep

Friday: Party- grades are in and I'm graduating! FOREVER!

Saturday and Sunday and Monday and Tuesday: Glorious nothing. And Finding a Job.

Wednesday- Friday: Shepard my family about.

Saturday: Get my FUCKING MASTER'S DEGREE

Sunday: Family leaves

June 11-31: Find a Job. Pack.

July 1: Move into the new apartment. (Which is pretty!)

July 3rd: Fly home to get married. Try on dress. Do not forget shoes, tiny ninjas, clothing.

July 4th: Country's Birthday. Get Country something nice. Socialized medicine? A proper Presidential candidate?

July 5th: Wedding Rehearsal

July 7th: Wedding

July 8th: Recover from wedding. Honeymoon for a bit.

July 9th-14th ish- San Francisco. Flowers in hair. Wine. Fine tress and sea otters. Snuggles.

July 15thish- get back to Chicago. Have life. Find Job.

This entry was originally posted at http://kitewithfish.dreamwidth.org/381557.html.

Battlefield Wardrobe

I've spent the day walking around Chicago and the part of it where I live, and it is time to sit and relax and be quite.

Well, actually, this is the time to sit and goof and pretend I don't have papers due, so let's do that instead!


Part of the reason I was up so tired was that I spent much of yesterday meandering through downtown on Mission: Tights.

Mission:Tights is a foray in the larger Battlefield: Wardrobe conflict. See, I'm fat. Unabashedly fat, and at the awkward end of that I'm also short, so I tend to need to shop a lot in clothing stores to find things that cover my body and also look good on my body. I think, actually, that I end up having to shop a good deal more than folks with averaged sized bodies with a relatively similar interesting in fashion. I like to have interesting clothes, I like not to look like an idiot, and I like to be comfortable- things which require a fair amount of work, given the kind of clothes that get made in the world, so I devote a fair amount of time sifting through the garments that are not made for me to find the few that are.

Mission:Tights involved a lot of walking and searching out physical stores that have discounts on nice brands of tights. (The cheap stuff wears out a lot faster for the same amount of money. So, discounts on good brands are key.) Mission:Tights was also total failure-I really couldn't find anything at all decent or in my sizes at the places I looked, so I had basically just spent a lot of time walking around in the heat on feet with tendon issues. But it did serve the desired purpose of not letting me do work on my final projects and papers!

Today, me and the Gentleman had to go and visit the premarital counselor. Who, as always, basically had us summarizing conversations we had had several months ago, about our families and future plans and the issues that we expect to face (Minister-wannabe marries Atheist! what to do!) But, as usual, things ended in our being confirmed Decent, and we were sent on our way to meander around Chicago. And to try and find if our local Large Grocery Store carries octopus. (Nope!)

So here we are, sorefoot and weary and finally home.

This entry was originally posted at http://kitewithfish.dreamwidth.org/381224.html.

Signal Boost- Etherati needs a hand.

[personal profile] etherati is a prolific writer in the the Watchman fandom (I recommend zir zombie AU Now, as Before.


There's been a death in the family,and the resulting shakeout leaves no money for a family member who now needs more significant care for her dementia. Zie's asking for financial help.

From the post itself:

I don't usually ask for help, but this time I don't have any choice. Two weeks ago, my SO's father killed himself, suddenly and unexpectedly and, even now, for no reason any of us can figure out. I've just spent those two weeks in New Jersey trying to help them sort out the legal and financial affairs, and we're both completely shellshocked and devastated here on top of all the procedural crap. Here's the rundown of financial facts:

-There's no life insurance
-The house is under water and on a reverse mortgage (more on this further down)
-The 401K's have all been drained
-$10,000 in back taxes owed
-There is no money, at all

On top of this, his widow has been mentally deteriorating for years now and can neither live alone nor can live with any of her children, none of whom have the space or are there all day to provide her the care she needs. The trauma of this event--she was there when it happened, in the house, trying to stop him--has accelerated her decline dramatically and she needs professional care. However, in most states her social security income is both woefully inadequate to pay for care and too high to qualify her for aid, because hey, I guess in the good ol' USA old ladies with dementia are also supposed to pull themselves up by their bootstraps, idek. I would be more furious if I had the energy for it.


Links to Paypal for donation at the end of the original post. Fandom, what can we do?

This entry was originally posted at http://kitewithfish.dreamwidth.org/380942.html.

And now that I've cleared my throat

I've been busy. It's not really finals yet for anyone who's not graduating, but they are here for me. I keep having to stay up late and I can't get to sleep properly.


I really, really have no interest in what's left of the school year. My set of little first years, who I met in my last year of college, are graduating later this week, and it's kind of amazingly weird that they and I are both setting out into the world together trying to get a job and a life and some way to do things.

This entry was originally posted at http://kitewithfish.dreamwidth.org/380919.html.

A lost post....

NOTE: I started writing a post a couple weeks ago, apparently, and never posted it. It's mostly just some incomplete thoughts on comic book characters, but I didn't want to throw it away entirely. Please accept, dear internet, this flawed child of a fractured mind.


So, last night, in a first of Avengers induced mania, I typed up some of my thoughts on a comic book pairing from Avengers Academy, Hazmat and Mettle, who show some major signs of being MEANT FOR EACH OTHER in comic book terms: they have powers that literally prevent them from easily seeking standard-human like people as romantic or sexual partners.

That's a very comic booky version of a sticking people into a relationship without really wanting to be in one. And, frankly, it's more common for writers to take the more obviously angsty alternative: two people who CANNOT HAVE SEX because of powers. (See: Rogue AKA "Life Force Sponge" and Gambit AKA "Don Juan de Bayou". Or, in fan traditions, Ben Grimm AKA The Thing "Mobile Cinderblock" and Alicia Masters "Squishy Soft Person") And sticking two people together while alluding to their sexual problems is a long tradition of comic books, which should be upheld along with inadvertent temporary genderswaps and finding out your sweetie is an alien.

And I've loved the aspect of two people being stuck together out of nothing, ya know? I kind of love the idea that you can just meet someone and BOOM. You've got a future together. And fandom has a LOT of ways of doing that.

Soulbonding is the biggest one, where two characters (usually just two) have some bizarre weird moment where they are stuck together and have some kind of psychic connection forever and ever amen. Soulbonding fics (at least the kind that I used to read a lot) tend to start out with two people who either soulbond randomly, without meaning to (Imprint: J2 RPF, nonspecific mentions of child molestation by mass_hipgnosis, or being forced into it to save someone's life (A Meeting of Minds: Tony Stark/Steve Rogers, explicit, by Nix)) They have to create (or reshape, if they already knew each other) a relationship around the fact that they now have this person that they simply cannot get away from.

Why I liked it: At the time I was reading a lot of these, I was in my first serious romantic relationship. It was a lot of work, trying to get to know someone and trying to be awesome to that person and trying not to screw things up even when I really didn't know what that would look like. I didn't know if it would "work out" (whatever that meant) and while there were some major basic things for a life-long buddy that I clearly knew I wanted (no bodyshaming, vaguely feminist at least, smart and a funny, kind but not wishy-washy, solid), getting to know another person that deeply is damned hard work.

This entry was originally posted at http://kitewithfish.dreamwidth.org/380453.html.

Avengers Academy- Hazmat and Mettle

So the relationship of Hazmat and Mettle is kind of fascinating to me. Let's go through why.

Ken Mack: the solid metal surferCollapse )

Jennifer Takeda: All-American girl one day, walking WMD the next.Collapse )

Before they start dating...Collapse )

Why I like them:

Why they workCollapse )

*EDIT: I edited Mettle's ethinic background to add the Person of Color note. In Avengers Academy #4, Mettle talks about his life and the illustrations show him as distinctly browner than his white Jewish mom, and with short dreads. His dad is shown in one image (off in the corner, in no detail at all) as being a brown/dark tan person with long dreaded hair. I read this as Black American, making Mettle one of many many characters of color whose race is invisible due to his superhuman powers. This is a problem, because he mostly looked like the Red Skull, who partied with Hitler and makes a point of calling some people less than human. The Black Jewish kid looks like the most prominent Nazi of the Marvel universe- FAIL or attempt at interesting character development?

This entry was originally posted at http://kitewithfish.dreamwidth.org/380400.html.

Cheering myself up! Avengers Academy!

I got another rejection from a job- one that I was really fairly qualified for, and would have liked (I think) but that's fine. Well, it will be, in any case.

In which I return to comic books after a long hiatus! Avengers Academy is delightful and deep- I'm tempted to do a little Fandom of One style introduction to it, because it cries out for fanfiction.

EDIT

So, I left this post alone for a while, and then the rest of my day happened. The lawyers came back with the packet for filing for the Gentleman's permanent residence visa, and there's another round of stuff I need to get them. He is very much worth it.

But before that, we had to handle some rather foul garbage that popped out of a very ripe garbage bag on its way to the dumpster.

This entry was originally posted at http://kitewithfish.dreamwidth.org/379972.html.
I've been sick with something that might just be a hellish cold, or some flu, but I've been stuffed up and pathetic all week when I would much rather not be so pathetic. Today, I'm feeling better overall, but it's been bought at the price of my voice.

I've got no voice at all right now- I can produce a pathetic squeak if I really put effort into it, but it feels like I'm yelling and I only hear a little squeak. I'm getting by with hand gestures and whispering when I need to, but I'm pretty frustrated.

This comes at the end of a week of being fairly crappy and sickly. I was able to get my taxes done, thank god!

But I hit a problem there, where there was an error in the birthdate in the Social Security Office's info. This is the first time that came up, but it looks like they had my birthyear wrong by one year. That meant I had to go down and talk to them, with my birth certificate, and get that fixed. And it's still not fixed, but I need an NEW copy of my birth certificate to show them and a;dlkja;dlfjkaosj

So, I've had about as much energy as I need to deal with one thing per day, and then to collapse in the afternoon. Taxes, Stupid Governmental Misunderstandings have been dealt with, and some networking and handing out my resume, but I get home and have to rest.

I spent a good deal of yesterday morning at an event where I got to meet a lot of People Who Might Someday Hire Me, which was great! Honestly! Really happy about that.

But I work up the next day and had no voice at all, and I think that those things are related. Beyond that, I think I'm on the mend, but I could use some love.

This entry was originally posted at http://kitewithfish.dreamwidth.org/379861.html.

ganked from Hunters_retreat

If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now,(even if we don't speak often or ever) please post a comment with a COMPLETELY MADE UP AND FICTIONAL memory of you and me.

It can be anything you want - good or bad. :)

When you're finished, post this little paragraph on your journal if you are so inclined and see what your friends come up with.

This entry was originally posted at http://kitewithfish.dreamwidth.org/379612.html.

The Fast and The Furious

If you're thinking Vin Diesel, stop right now. Because I have just discovered on Netflix a movie from 1955 about a thief who steals a car. And you just *guess* what it's called. :D

This entry was originally posted at http://kitewithfish.dreamwidth.org/379340.html. Please comment there using OpenID. If you don't have OpenID, anonymous comments welcomed. If you want to hear back from me, sign them!

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